i had just burst that little bubble of hope today. Its over. Its final. Im outta of there. Perhaps never ever gonna walk that path again, to enter that door, to immerse myself totally in the music there. Never again. i'm sorry how things turn out this way, but i guess i had no whatsoever choice. i do not want to wait till its too late to regret, or to stay for my own selfish reasons. hope u understand. really do so.i'm sorry. no matter what, carry on the legacy! =))will be there for to witness the miracle make nxt year.

ok. i m guilty. i m supposed to be chionging my written report, had to do chapt 5, content page n editing. =( bleah! hate this job. but then i m seriously so ARGH!! i need an outlet to let out all the emotions in me! its like so complicated, so confusing, its giving me a headache! so many things n seriously i really need to manage my time really well.=( i feel so tied down by my many commitments.

yesterday went back to school for grad nite stuff, before heading off to macs for pw. as usual, pw meetings are like................................ editing is going to be done by me again.. thanks arh guys. ahhahahah... then after that i went to bedok interchange pasar malam with ms loo wanyin. hahha.. We catch up on each other's life, joke around, bought this n that. Realize i really miss her lots.. n nadiah too.. =(( we bought stickers to paste on our handphone! hahah. =P childish but... hahah..

Today went back school for the SAGE mcfolks thingy. so my whole weekend is really given to the school and school work! no sleep in, no rest, my poor foot, injured again as usual. how can i possibly rest my foot, doctor! its not like i dont want to listen to your advise, but acc to statistic, singapore's walking pace is one of the fastest in the world, n of cause i have to walk around to get to places so how can i possibly just sit at one place all day just to rest my foot? even my clsrm n lecture hall are located at different parts of the school.=((

Monday is SUPPOSED to be my earliest day off school BUT my timetable is stretching now till about 6? err!! got legal framework with louis, gt duty(not tt i m complaining bout this, like it actually, pretty fun! heex), pw!!!argh!, blah blah blah! n oh. going to meet my osteopath again for my foot.=(( think i m going to scream again. my stupid cold still refused to go away!! mr tutor had to remind me to go n see the doc for my cold for so many days, but i just have no time. by the time i m free, its like midnight? haix.

ooh.. saw him on fri!! hahah.. =))


oh man.. i m going to say it tmr. to get it off once n for all. i m sick of procastinating, sick of staying for the sake of staying. i know i will let some ppl down, but i m seriously bum out n i really need the extra hours to maintain my sainty in this crazy and hectic jclife. if not i m just collaspe one day. i thought through it for so long, ask advices and stuff before coming to this conclusion. its definitely not sudden rashness i promise u. i'm sorry

I M FEELING SO BURNT OUT! mentally broke down today. feel so suffocated.
tired, crashed..
sleepy, stressed
oh man. i hate this!
even u are unable to put that smile back on my face

I m just back for the EiE camp at MOE diary farm. its really fun and insightful. learn lots of things( including some scandal*ah hem*) and made lots of new friends!! =)) pretty fruitful camp! n i guess they are determined to fatten all of us up, cos there is so many tea breaks and food session!! hahah.. wee~ like my group alot though. we kindof bonded pretty well despite our many "differences". heez. this shows that differences do not matter that much in making friends.
had so much fun with the 31st at the camp! hahaha.. n thanks arh guys for scaring n freaking me out.! ahhaha.. enjoy myself. its so peaceful there and so relaxing.. but its all over now. i have to get back to life..

more and more work coming!! test,spa,grad nite and PTD. plz help me!! i m seriously dead.

my head is really throbbing. n i know very soon, after i start writing this post, i m going to either get a writer's block or start writting nonsensical stuff within minutes. hahha.. tts what happen earlier at my pw group meeting. i was tired n having a big headache so i started to talk nonsense and speak incoherently. lolx. oh.. whatever..
All results are out, best grade is C, damn. n worst is E, heng. average was D. pretty bad, but i guess i had to be contented le, since i expected far worst than that. At least i know i wont get a "summon" for my parents! hehe..
Oh gosh man.feel so drained these days, i had to resort to drink coffee!! i know i once told myself not to touch coffee unless i really need it, but i guess this is really the time! haha.. have no idea why i m so tired! =((
And i have a camp this weekend!! at jurong east!! must report at 8am can? oh..how "late" it is!! haha.. but i guess its going to be fun fun fun! heeX! MOE diary farm! =)) can make more friend yeah!
haiyo!! now i really understand the danger of scandal and the full impact of it.can u believe it, at once i m being scandaled to at least 8 guys!!! hey BBC(bitchy bitchy club) ppl!! spare me can!!lolx.. i m so innocent la! like tt bully me! =((

oh my goodnesss, i can nv see u the same way ever again!! feel so disgusted can!

haix.. feeling really down. but then who can i really turn to. i guess i will hurt someone else if i tell them how i was really feeling about my results. haix.. actually, i give myself alot of pressure and i guess thats because since young, i always have this mentality that no matter how good i do, my parents will still expect more from me. like when i when i was younger, i gotten 2nd in standard and yet they will expect me to be 1st. i guess even if i m 1st, they will still expect more. hence, even if people may think that i did pretty ok for my jcts so far, i cant help but feel lousy. and i know that if i express this thought openly, those who dont really know me or what i m going through will think that i m "suaning" them. hence, i will tend to bottle up this feelings. however, at times i want to make others feel better by saying i didnt do that well, but i guess people will still misinterpret this, thinking i m being insensitive or sth. its so suffocating for me, not knowing what to do or say. and i always ended up saying the wrong things. Feel so terrible, like i m a horrible person, when my intentions aint that. feel horrible to be misunderstood as well. I hate my stupid mouth for blurting things out without thinking! stupid me! =(

i cant help noticing, but its pretty obvious isnt it? i'm really sorry if i hurt u. its really unintentional.

let the jcts be a waking up call and lets do our best for promos kx! ppl stop being upset, its over n we cant do anything about the papers, but we can do sth to change the fate of our promos!as quoted:" failure is never fatal and success is never the end!" remember this! =)

OK.. I SHALL RANT ON THIS!! I cant believe i didnt gt the NDP tickets again!! i thought that with the new system of sms/e-mail/blah blah, i will get a better chance. moreover they say that those who didnt get the tickets in the past stand a higher chance! n once again.. i didnt get the tickets. sad and angry.. i really want to go!! especially this year, since its the first NDP on water. =(( so sad.. i hope i can get the tickets to the preview or sth.. =(( anyone wanna bring me along?
arh.. my mind is in a jumbled state. it cannot totally focused on something. i m losing my concentration and patience in things. i guess the JCTs had really affected me in a big way. i guess my JCTs are a goner.! well.. at least we get a long holiday as compensation. =)
Went back dunman with nadiah to collect my rotting o level cert. haha.. met wanyin. shes a ci already! haha.. must have the ci "say" ok?=)
went Tampines yesterday to do last min shopping to beat the GST hike. haha.. typical singaporean. i went with my mum. The crowd was !!!! So many people jam-packed in the two malls. Especially in Metro, they are having a closing down sale, most items going at 50% discount. I was squashed! elbowed, pushed,shouted, thrown dirty look! and almost had someone who tried to cut my queue.So overall, the shopping experience there wasnt very pleasant. But i managed to get nice pumps, so i guess "no pain, no gain"? then on my way out of Century square,(the exit was horrendous! so many ppl trying to squeeze through the entrance/exit. Human jam!) i spotted a dress that i really like it! so i got them. Will most probably wear them on my bro's wedding. its on the 23 of dec! looking forward to it! =)) ate at pastamania but the pasta was kindof too salty for my liking. haha..
hmm.. i m contemplating on buying another one of those solar operated round head smiley dolls that will either nod their head or sideways shake. i got one two years ago, but i want to get another way that is in a bath tub with a towel on its head in bright green! =)) so cute! they never fail to fascinate me and to put a smile on my face. i got so many of those small sized key chain(wanted to collect all but i keep getting pink an yellow) i saw it in tampines mall! hm. should i buy anot? hahah
well. i need to sleep le. going to source for sponsors for grad night tmr with the rest of the comm. hope that luck will be on our side yeah!=)

who have tickets for ndp?? please contact me. i really wants them! like so badly? hahah.. preview is fine too!=)) tag me at the bottom!
new past