had the sudden urge to blog, but my mind is blank.

Been pondering and thinking pretty deeply these days.


I reckon that my lousy mood these days are caused by what i see and feel, and yet i find it hard to tell somebody else, because no one can feel exactly what I m feeling. They probably brush off what i want to say, and embark on their own stories. I dont blame them, i mean, my problems or thoughts probably isnt worth that much thought or effort in listening.

i yearn to watch the sunrise at a beautiful beach, to see the beginning of something lovely, the start of a miracle, and to have someone by the side who will understand and see the beauty nature creates. the miracle created everyday, that everyone is rushing off too fast too observed.

Somehow I don't where to start my blog.

I realized my life has became so structured. My life is being surrounded by ONLY these few things, and yet I can't even seems to get anything right. It feels horrible. Time isnt on my side. It feels as if I had lost a good friend, like Time had forsaken me, leaving me struggling to complete my work as Time run faster and faster from me.

I no longer feel like myself anymore. Like im enclosed in this exterior shell that is shielding me from the external harm that may come my way, and yet the internal shelf screams to be let out. Im confused, unsure what lies ahead of me, if I m able to deal with it, and yet i know i still have to face it, whatever it is. I fear the unknown, and yet the unknown excites me. I m such a contradictory person.

iknowthatthisfeelingsucksbutihopethatfromnowonthisisthslasttimeimfeelingthiswayeverythingshouldworkoutfine

I was once intrigued by the beauty of a butterfly, something so small yet so graceful. And the multicoloured wings. To me, they were one of the best art nature had ever done.


i'm beginning to realize i dont even know myself.

I had just survived my 2nd week in school, OR should i re-phrase, its my 1st week in school (involved in REAL school work) because the 1st week, i was running about school busy with orientation. WEE~ Zenith 08 rocks! Though i MUST STRESS i will NEVER EVER WISH to cut ANY GARBAGE BLINDFOLDS again! They can drive me freaking crazy! Worst then those Grad nite slips of paper i cut during the Nov holiday. I guess only Zhiyuan and Amira can understand what i m taking about.!

My 1st week (orientation week)
Starting from Weds, i got superb lack of sleep, so i was like "high-ing" a moment, sleepy the next moment. But i guess the orientation was a BLAST! Esp the Suntec Mass Dance, the 31st simply went crazy, we ran around the fountain for countless time, cheering all the cheers and simply just being crazy. haha. We were having so much fun, for a moment, the thought of completing holiday homework just flown out of my mind. But the serious lack of sleep certainly took a toll on me and i made up by waking super late on Sunday.=X

2nd week
Argh. Was a really scary week and i can't believe i m already "chiong-ing" homework to way past mid night already, and they are TUTORIALs, not some forgotten/lost in the pile holiday homework. Gah. And stupid me, went to do maths assignment 1 & 2 and stupidly think that the tutor will go through slowly, only to realize that what we really NEED to hand in is assignment 4! Horrors, but thank god, we need not and in that soon, if not, i m DEAD meat.
Had 2 tests in the 2nd week already, namely the horrifying chem and maths test. *praying that i pass them*
I felt the pace was too fast, all the tutors were stressing that year 2 will be really hectic, and i can feel it already. I was too slack in my yr1. =((
I must have more confidence, better time management and jiayou this year! woot. i must HUAT this year! =)))) lolx

*ps: i heard this on the radio "if you really like someone, then do things that the person will like or like doing. It got me thinking. When one is in love, one will tend to do things that will please the others. Just by looking at the other's smile is enough. Love is silly* lalalala.

Stop saying I m a hsifratS, because i m not. I m myself! ahaha=X
new past