Its not something I can control. I held it back, for the longest time. Tried laughing it off, tried not thinking about it, but gave in.

After the phone call from home, really make me want to go back. Told Jie not to come, told her how screwed my paper was. I held it back, for I know if i burst then, she will fly down, and I didn't want her to see me in this state. Pride? Or me just want to prove I'm independent enough to handle.? Gave in after I heard the final click from the receiver... How the tears flowed... Even though I'm alone I still tried to muffle the sound of it by burying my head into my pillow. A million thoughts ran through my mind. Am I to go through this for the next few years? Why does doing your best not equate to being your best? Why do I always disappoint myself at critical times that matters? Why does preparation fail? Its not fair at all... Nothing is, and never will. After knowing this, I wiped those tears away. There is no time for moment of weakness, every moment counts, every effort counts, even if it doesn't seem to show, I'm sure one day it will. No time to give up, because no one will stop to show you sympathy. Everyone is moving  rushing forward, slowing down is bad enough, I can't afford to stop now.

Thanks Jingyi for accompanying me for dinner and walking with me to buy ice-cream. At least during those moments, my troubles melted away with the ice-cream...

I know I wrote that I won't be blogging anytime soon, but then I need to have an outlet to write, to have something else to do besides reading my beige textbook. Wanted to continue with Jap, but too saturated. Tried to listen to those nice anime sounds from the movie "Spirited away" to get me moving.

Woke up to nice surprises. A postcard from Seohying with encouragement and a sms from the lovely shroomy telling me not to worry. I am a born worrier. I guess that no matter how long time has past since the last failure, the past will still haunt the current me. All I ask for is a C for jap to get the S grade. Please grant me the wisdom to be able to do at least 70% of the paper?

The stress is building, the pimples are bursting, very soon I will be whining. Damn it. Hate this. Quote from some NS personnel. Its time I wake up my idea and get those info into my head, worry is pointless and time wasting. Go Wini, you can do it! Karma, please don't come haunting me at this hour. Lady luck, please come and befriend me. Wisdom be blessed upon me, added with a sprinkle of Confidence, lessen the amount of Jittery, add a dash of Calmness, then allow me to Vomit all my answers onto the Sacred Exam Script.

Saw a quote from my fave chinese author, so decided to come and blog.

几米说: 当你喜欢我的时候，
我不喜欢你,当你爱上我的时候，我喜欢上你,
当你离开我的时候，我却爱上你,
是你走得太快，还是我跟不上你的脚步,
我们错过了诺亚方舟,错过了泰坦尼克号,
错过了一切的惊险与不惊险,我们还要继续错过……
但是，请允许我说这样自私的话，
多年后，
你若未娶，
我还未嫁，
那，
我们能不能在一起？？

I am not emo-ing people! I just have more things on my mind and I needed to unload them.

The mind has a maximum capacity, and when you think too much, everything will start spilling out, and the memory you have maybe what is left behind, the little bits and pieces.

I got so many things on hand, I should concentrate now. Last post till 30 April... hopefully.

Should I or should I not?

Roomie told me to follow my heart, go with what it wants me to do, but the rational part of me is holding me back again.

You can have gazillion advice, but at the end of the day, the decision is still yours to make. No one control your life except yourself. The decision you make, the path you choose, you make the call, you call the shots. Fate plays a part in your life, so does opportunities. They are the Chance cards in life, appearing once, sometime twice, but never thrice. If you want to play nice, you may need to think twice. The 2nd chance so often said in life never really does occur. A regrettable mistake will well, remain regrettable. No one invented reversible time. As much as we want to return to the "good old days", time will tick faster by the minute, reminding you that time should not be wasted thinking of the impossible.

I've been lucky, given a 2nd chance. Should I take it? Or should I waste it once again. My heart is not telling me anything, it has lost its compass for my life.


new past