Sunday, November 28, 2010, ϟ
It felt surreal. At the moment, nothing really went through my mind. I was smiling, and you were smiling. So that explains everything you talked before that. All those plans in the future.
It was funny and cute at the same time. And silly me, all this while worrying about how things seem too good to be true.
I felt safe and secured while having my hand in yours. (:
Wednesday, November 24, 2010, ϟ
I need a new pair of flats, a new pair of sandals and I want a new pair of slippers.! D:
Retail therapy... Christmas sales will up soon, I want to be part of it and do my annual X'mas shopping. I want to go Orchard Road to see the Christmas Lighting even if the whole world thinks its ugly. I want to soak in the atmosphere and spirit of my favourite holiday.
All this will have to wait till 17th Dec. 10-17th Dec, the sacred week, give me wisdom yo!
Monday, November 22, 2010, ϟ
Its been years...
Years since I last saw him. When I met him today, I wasn't sure that it was him, I thought it was just another random stranger on the train who was looking at me weirdly. I grew conscious of my outlook, but then, on 2nd thought, why should I care? So instead, I looked longer at him, and this time, I found him familiar.
It was him indeed. It was really awkward meeting him again. I looked away and pretended I didn't know him and continue listening to my iPod, and him the same. But throughout the whole ride, we both kept glancing at each other. At his stop, he paused at the exit, took one more glance, before alighting.
I thought of the times we were friends, I thought of the letters he wrote when I started to ignore all this calls and smses. The many attempts he tried mending the bridge again, but I refused, simply refused. That was because he betrayed my trust, and most importantly, he disappointed me beyond measure. I was just a young girl who just started Secondary school, and he was the Senior in yr 4. I trusted him and confided in him. And he took my trust and broke it.
It's easy to gain my trust, but once you lose it, you will never get it back.
In the past, I felt hurt, but with time, as I grew wiser, I only feel this odd sinking feeling. An old friend I lost, simply because of his jealousy and childishness. He thought things could work out, but I only wanted friendship, things turned ugly, and when he asked for forgiveness there after, I see no point anymore.
Thinking back, what went through his mind when he saw me...
Wednesday, November 17, 2010, ϟ
Angsty!
I need an outlet to vent. I want to hit the dislike button for my life now. When life offers you a gift, it always comes with many attachments. Nothing is free, you lose something or pay with something to get the gift. When life gets too good to be true, its probably true because life will hits you back at your highest point and send you tumbling down the valley of misery, right down to the deepest pits.
I need insights, I need wisdom, I need rationality, I need everything, every bits of good luck, to tide me through one of the hardest year for me. At times I think I have become desensitize by all the stimulants that I become indifferent, but when I start to peel the many layers of protection I built up and look right into the core, to the most vulnerable part, I saw that I need salvation. Hiding within myself isn't going to help anything. Doing nothing to aid the situation is worst. Either way, the right thing now to do is to seek help or self-help. Burying myself in work and trying to busy myself to stay away from the root of problem doesn't make things go away.
Above it all, I need courage. Smile, you can do it.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010, ϟ
Why must every single test results include the mean? Its like the tutors are taking considerable efforts to constantly remind us that we are to be compared, to be placed on a scale. And that if you ain't good enough, you will be thrown off the scale.
The mid term is the 1st glimpse of where we are standing, and judging by my cui-kabom, mediocre results, I'm the most likely person to be thrown off board.
Wini will not give up without a fight, renewed sense of drive... Keep this momentum going, every failure is just going to feed my desire to prove to the others that nothing can get me down. NOTHING.
Sunday, November 14, 2010, ϟ
Love is never measured by the times he made u laugh, but by the number of times he made u smile after u cried.
I don't know anything, I'm slow, I don't understand how it works, I'm a retard most of the time, but through all these times, you stayed behind to guide me and to teach me. With your kind patience, I begin to appreciate and see and learn things I never knew existed. When I'm down, when I'm stress, when I'm sad, when i'm just plain weird, somehow you can make things better. Was it that smile? Or that sincere concern? Or was it I'm getting used to having you by my side to tell me things will get better? You told me to stay positive, to smile more and be happier.
I tried counting the number of times you made me smile after I'm feeling down, and I lost count... :)
Saturday, November 13, 2010, ϟ
Sudden realization.
There isn't much time. So now you are moved to one of the top on priority list. (:
Can't wait for that day too. A little break from the endless routine and before the mounting pressure crash us to death.
A date with Harry! :D don't disappoint please.
Thursday, November 11, 2010, ϟ
Tired.
But at least I'm still happy.
Thousand and one things to do, with only 24 hours a day and deadline looming, I'm trying my very best to stretch time, stall time, freeze time, stop time. I'm not looking forward to the end of sem.
Monday, November 08, 2010, ϟ
Mum seems totally psych for my up-coming holidays. She took leave from her work, and she's planning a little get-away for the 2 of us. I shall promise to give my mama more time and love. She totally deserve a break. ((: To my superwoman: Love you always, and appreciate everything you have done. You are the best mum, my best adviser, most understanding friend who will laugh at your daughter's clumsiness, shyness and stupidity acts. :D Can't ask for any better, because I have the best.
Sunday, November 07, 2010, ϟ
((:
Promise you that I will not be such a mugger and will take breaks in between.
I will take one step at a time and stop pressurizing myself.
I will try to make time for you soon.
So, don't miss me too much k? ^^
Saturday, November 06, 2010, ϟ
Demoralized.
Harsh reality. That's the real world.
It's not that you are not good, u are just not good enough when being COMPARED.
Monday, November 01, 2010, ϟ
I'm but just a human.
Stop pushing your limits. I'm trying to be as accommodating as possible and tolerating all the attitude you gave me even though I have my own problems to deal too. I had enough, it was the last straw. Whatever happened to everything that we once discussed? Those supposed privacy boundaries? It seems like I'm the only who bothered to make sure you don't feel uncomfortable, but you, did you even bother? Did you even consider my feelings?
And you, did you bother asking me, when I thought of discussing with you 1st only to see that you had everything planned and conveniently just think I can make it? Its just plain rude.
Sick and tired of everyone treating me this way. Like I'm a pushover. I can be nice, if you are too. Thats just rude and I will not take it lying down. Get the hell out of my sight now.
new past