haha. i hadn't been updating my blog for so long. tsk tsk.

i m so UNPRODUCTIVE throughout this holiday! yes. i m. SLOTH! i better cut some slack n get some work done.

hohoho. nxt week is sure going to be a busy busy week. grad nite prep, ogl induction, ccf concert, ogl induction, gradnite prep.! repetitive, but sure going to keep me busy busy busy!

the week after... internship! yup from 3dec to 28 dec. so exciting n excited! hahah. wonder what will i b doing. this is sur going to keep me bzbzbzbz throughout the dec. n grad nite is on te 4dec. its the final showdown.

i realize my creative juices seems to have been drained recently. i don't know why, just a random thought. but my day dreams are still endless!

BUT i m sick!!=((

have to smile more for the positive energy! ahaha..

BYE~

lemme recap what i had been doing! hahah..

last friday, dear 1807 went to sing K together. 20++ people packed into a small room. floor, sofa, everywhr, packed like sardine. but i must say, it was fun. it was the 1st time i can feel camaraderie, the bond between the whole cg. yup. though its a pity not the whole cg can turn up. do hope to have more such opportunities to bond our cg! =))
Went ajisen to eat after that. hadn't been to that place after my 1st horrifying experience of overly salty food, but surprise! they used much lesser salt that day( is it because of the price of salt had risen?) hehe. i was like on budget so only ate the ala carte ramen n not the set meal. oh man.. =(( sobs. but its ok, now that i know they use less salt, i may pop over more often. ahhaha=D

Saturday.. hmm. i realize i dont remember anything from saturday! gasps! oh man. what did i do arh... tsk tsk.. must be nothing eventful.. ahahah. =X

Sunday.. was uneventful as well, until i recieve a msg from jo. she told me she was queueing for donuts n ask me if i wanted some. so sweet yeah. thanks girl! i m enjoying my donuts.! haha. n because blur me is bad at estimation of timing, i was late n i ran there. oh my, my slipper was new so i got blisters which looks like two teeth marks.! ahhah.but thanks girl! =)) hehe..

Monday. was supposed to be eventful!! supposed to watch lust caution, but as i said SUPPOSED to. haix. so fed up. so sorry jiayi, had to ps u. =(( oh well.
n my uneventful day continues. now at home chionging out I&R. tomorrows the submission date!

PW is going to end soon. i don't know why but i guess i will kindof miss doing pw. oh no! i think i m becoming crazy.. lalalalalalalala..

hm i m alone at home.mum n sis went M'sia, dad still out, bro still out. sad. just finished chionging out the wr. woah. tmr must hand in already... how "exciting"! hahaha..

whenever i m alone at home, i will start to turn on all the lights in the house, make it bright and cheery, turn on the radio or tv, to make some "human" voices so i dont feel so alone. haha. stupid right? but i had been doing this ever since i was left alone at home when i was young. old habits die hard, yea? haha. jack is superb cute, accompanying me. =)) heex.

Mum called back just now, i was so engrossed with wr that i didnt realize it was 8pm. n i hadn't had dinner, so i chiong downstairs n bought mac in record timing! got home in like 10-15 minutes, gave myself more time to eat, but was disrupted by derek, passing me my bro's stuff and tt yakult auntie who came to sell me yakult every thursday.

It so quiet. haix. miss the voices at home. =( bleh! one more day of loneliness before my mum n sis are back. haha. till then i shall busy myself in whatever i can, which obviously theres alot, like I&R (which i kept pushing back cos i have no idea how to go about doing it), op(memorize!), catch Lust Caution(dying to see ever since don'eknow when), read my books!(i still have 3 unread books!) and many more.. (maybe friendship bands? cross stitch?)

i m so dead. deaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddeaddead
oh well. i only have myself to blame. =(
now i m sad. i need time out. >.<
leave me alone for the time being.

yeahness, promos are over, over, over, but it also marks the start of a new wave of panic, the results. i wonder when will revealation day be, because i m sure that will also be my doom's day. >.< i admit, confess, anything you called it. i didnt put in my best. i m dead. so dead. haix..

ok. enough of my self reproachments, n for more happy stuff. my cg went to SENTOSA today. hahah.. while some jc1s in my sch are still having their last paper, we r bumming and chilling at SENTOSA!! there were much fewer people at the beach, so we pretty much have the beach to ourselves. don't even need to fight with people for territories! haha.. glad they like the keropok i brought. heex.its "double decker" keropok. its like such an old brand keropok. yup. haha. i bought the "cheeky chicken" and "pranky prawn" flavour. its still as good as the old time. brought back quite alot of my childhood memories when i was munching away.

played a few rounds of beach volleyball and "oogle" at the miserable number of hunks on the beach. its a monday!! i guess hunks are either at school, work or simply bumming at home.monday blues. only people, deprived of fun due to sickening promos can have the enthusiam to drag themselves to the beach for a day of fun. hahahahha. =PP

wanted to try the LUGE, but then no one else seems interested. so in the end, i didnt went to try. oh well, perhaps the next trip? hahah.. so more reason to go back to sentosa! hehehe.

my slippers gt buried when i was playing beach volley by xiangrui, n i thought they got stolen away. haha. somemore, they were buried at the two ends of the net.>.< hahah. but then, it was fun trying to find my slippers though the sand was really hot!!!

we also buried xiumin and randy in the sand!! haha.. n me, jo(my garbage!!) and xiumin(lh!!) gt lotsa fun teasing "mr randy..." ahahhaha.. yupyup. u few willl know what i mean yeah? ahhah

alright then, shall blog more next trip! hahha.. do grab double decker!!(i m not paid to say this, but i really like them! Weee~)

its over over over.. for everything.....

this is my 101 post!! rejoice!! but my jolly mood is only short-lived as now i m awaiting my doom next week. yes yes. its the PROMOS! something that i keep putting off, trying to push it to the back of my mind, but it aint working.. its.. just NEXT week. GAH! the mounting stress cause me to be more absent minded, kuku, blur and increase my accidents toll. just recently, while cutting my toe nail, instead of the nail, i went to cut the flesh . even as blood flowed out, i still felt no pain, like numbed from my blurness of the situation. i only felt the pain the nest morning.. retarded senses? maybe..

oh well, this shall be a short post. N garbage if u are reading this, i say hi to u!! hahah( look below, its for u)

original quotes " at times i wonder, r u really that dense? haha.. it puzzles me, at the same time intrigue me. u r special in your own unique way i guess. silly=P" yes. garbage, i wrote it all out for u to see and quote from here. hahaha

i m just praying praying this nightmare will be over soon.

hohoho. i did the silliest thing. i accidently deleted my post. oh well. all the better. at least i vented all my anger, n threw it all away. away with all the negative feelings go away please. i seriously needs lesser anger and disappointments. yesh.
leave me alone and stop provoking me. i mean it

wow.. been feeling so tired today. almost fall asleep during bio lecture!! haha. fengyi was beside me. she very cute, keep asking me to sleep cos i look kindof sick. perhaps too much late night chiong stuff like wr bah. hahah. slept like so late last night.
yesterday stayed back for staff day rehearsals. My dance partner marc wasnt there, so i danced with joshua. omg, was i terrible. i forgot the steps, n i guess almost twisted josh hands when spinning around. ahhah. =P oopx. sorry joshua.. haha. guess i wasnt paying much attention either. my mind was wondering off to some other places.. when i got home after dinner was like 11! horrors.. den i chiong wr till its quite late. edit this n that and upload this n that. time certainly flies during the wee hours of the night.
i getting back my sickening throat infection i guess!! haix.. =( nvm. n it turn out tt my ankle's pain was not because of my tt sprain but due to an inflamed tendon!! no wonder it hurts so much, unlike all my previous minor sprains.
oh. i got the OST of secrets!!the movie starring jay chou!! ahha. so happy can! n theres the piano scores as well. anyone interested just tell me ok? =))
so happy today! hahaha.. found my twin "fish". ahhaha.. yesh "right hand" tts you!! nv knew we had so much in common yeah! =))

i seek to understand, to tolerate, to give in.
if u ask me now...
m i sad? yes
disappointed? definitely
i dont know why, and till now, i still dont understand. perhaps i m a slowlearner. perhaps i m just not use to the way things r done now. perhaps just perhaps, i just cant accept it...
Dont worry, i will get over it.
thankx for everything for those who stayed by my side when i needed the most. really.. i really appreciated tt.=)

hohoho. been experiencing problem entering my blog to update for the past few days. so at last, i can update.=))

been quite a busy week, been collecting money, money, money.. writing receipt after receipt. making phone call reminders, smses, blah blah, for gradnite. but its fun. tho pretty frustrating when handling the table arrangement.! ok. shan't bore u with all the nitty gritty details.

today, i went back dunman sec to promote tj with mrs loke, jiayi n belle. yup. the 3 of us. n we were late! cos we were detained at the security guard shed. they thought we were trying to sneak out of school! hey, come on, we r trying to promote tj to sec4 students, n we are members of sc and hc, will we want to risk our post?.. aiyo. make me run back to GO when my foot was hurting. but we were running late, so i heck care the pain. =P after that, horrors! no taxis. took such a long while before we can get a cab. at last. the we travelled to dmn. omg. when i was back, i feel so nostalgic. back at a place i been for four years. four wonderful years. the years in which i had grown both physically n mentally. the place that shaped me to who i m today. =)) but quite sad now that the field is gone n most part of the school is undergoing prime. i know the change is good, but its still the old that brings back fond memories, isnt it?

Went to the ever familiar atrium. the place where i chiong the most papers, maths, sciences, practially every night. the place whereby there will be the most "consultants", the teachers, to guide u n teach u. =)) such nice n caring teachers... arh.. miss those days. then i went up to the AVT, on the third floor for the presentation. As compared to our lts, it is indeed small, but i will nv forget the days spent there for extra holiday lessons, practical lockups and of cos the engaging and fun Adam khoo's course.!haha. yup.all these wonderful memories found in the different parts of the school. saw some teachers, glad they rmb us.! haha.. of cos, i m a model student! =)) missed the night study sessions most. yup. the nights we chiong papers, the nights we chiong with friends and teachers. all these and more. oh what memories.

met up with the vj people, taariq, eirene, xinmin and jiahui. haha.. we chatted and gossip about people from our year and the teachers. haha. we were at the atrium then. was feeling so comfortable to be back in dunman. all of a sudden, all the stress and anxiousness for the chem spa later kindof evaporated. we heard the ever familiar announcement from our beloved discipline master, mr bernard, to ask students to go for detention. yup. without mr bernard, dunman will be chaotic. without mrs neo, dunman english grades will drop. without dunman teachers, the students will not survive. yup.=))

Went to the bubble tea store after that. our fav hang out place for delicious bb tea and waffles(now even snacks!). can nv find a better place for good, cheap n nice snacks. n the orea blend is so nice!! its the budget cafe! yup. the older but better one. =))

we recieved a gift of appreciation from dunman. its a superb nice crystal ornament. yup. it dont look cheap and it is really beautiful. =)) love it. haha..

after that, we came back to tj. went for chem spa. hm. wasnt that bad.haha..hope so.

then we had staff day rehersals. i will be dancing with marc. haha. so funny la today, because i dont know the dance, but i manage to smoke my way through! haha.. though i keep dancing on the wrong foot. clumsy me.! hahah..=P

ok.. shall blog more tmr. i should be chiong my wr now! byebye. more post coming up on my kayaking trip tmr with 18/07! our pe elective!=))

=))

at times i wonder, r u really that dense? haha.. it puzzle me, at the same time intrigue me. u r special in ur own unique way i guess. silly.=P

yippe! had a great holiday! start off with wednesday. wasnt exactly an awesome morning because i was running here there everywhere and gt scolded by a tutor regarding seats for the old folks. so wasnt that happy. haha.. but my mood was better after that. the 31st went pasta mania to eat lunch! so many of us. pretty choatic.hahha. learn quite alot bout girls school though. heex. then me, jiayi, zhiyuan and kangyu went to tampines to watch SECRET!! ahhah.. a superb nice film! superb sweet. (my opinion) haha. the four of us ate the family combo set! was superb funny.. because its like we are family... well.. the 31st are a family rite? =))

Today went to marina square to catch rush hour with jolyn! =)) funny movie! me n jo laugh so much. our theatre was pretty noisy and there was once, a crying baby. but i guess everyone was laughing at tucker's jokes to really notice the baby crying. thankx jo for the cheese nachos! haha.. we then went to starbucks to slack. we order about the same, latte. just that mine was hazelnut flavoured and hers was vanilla. we sat at the sofa and crap. =P hadn't been able to had such a relaxing afternoon le. =)) took photos! we explored how to aim the camera better. haha.. had fun with the cam! wanted to buy donuts from the donut factory but the queue was horrendous!! so in the end, no donuts! =(( sobx!! hey girl. thanks for making my day, yea, despite u being late! tsk tsk! =X

my blog post is lost! horrifying!>.<

YEAHNESS! Tomorrow is the eve of national day which means it is half day. Thursday is NATIONAL day and friday is also a HOLIDAY! which means... no school till monday! yippeee~ i am really looking forward to this long holiday. got lots of time to do the stuff that need to be done.=))
i had been doing lots of reflections these few days, walking home or on the bus. it is always when i m alone that i start to reflect and ponder on my actions, or what had i done till now and i realize that i had not done exactly anything till now, or should i phrase it better, nothing worth mentioning? its like what i m doing now in my j1 yr is so routine based. Even if i keep myself busy with so many things, i simply realize that i m just doing things that i believe i can do it. No new challengers, no risks, no anything. It just so.. routine, so mechanical. i had simply lead myself into a false sense of security and comfort by just doing things i m familiar with, and not to do something that i had totally no experience at all, to take up new challengers or take risks. But is this really what i want to be? At times i wonder, why m i ever so busy? so busy doing what? something that is not worth mentioning at all?something so routine base? and yet i can kid others, even myself into believing that i m happy and enjoying myself doing all these things. "really? m i really happy?" i asked myself. and i realize only then that i cannot say a definite yes. maybe i m happy at times, but all the time? no, i dont think so.. i know that many will quote from the old saying that we should be contented with what we have, but at times, is that all we ever want in life? to be just contended with whatever we have and not strive for better or newer things and challengers? To wade in unthreaded water, to explore unknown routes? shouldn't we have alil more courage to do all these instead of choicing the "tried and tested" safer routes?
ok. my thoughts are really in a jumble.! i had to sort out this thoughts. perhaps the short holiday may restore the flow of my thoughts.
i dont want to whine. no. but at times i feel that i m being taken for granted.perhaps ppl are too used to me. my presence, that in their eyes, i simply blend well with the wall, always there when needed, but no need to acknowledge their presence because they are always there. their words and view not taken into account or heard at all, because no matter what they are always there. use as a substitute, use only when needed. i hate this.

Randomness! i m so full of nonsense these days. i guess lack of slp certainty taken a troll on me.. = so many things happened in just one week. hardly have enough time to digest all the things tt happened. but i m sure glad the weekends are here. time for a lil rest i guess, from all the tutorials, pw, late night, electives, etc. yeah.. hahah.. my eye bags are getting really noticeable.. panda eyes.. hahah.
but i guess i cant completely enjoy my weekend. still got lots to do with so lil time. tsk tsk. time is not on my side once again. have to really prioritize all my stuff. dont want to miss out any more things or to give up. yup! =)) (self motivation... bleah! hope it will work.. lolz)
hmm. i had fully recovered from my terrible terrible cold, but now it is being replaced by a stupid, irritating cough! =(( weak me.. guess i really have to take note of my health. dont want it to spiral down during this bzbz period. heex. still remain optimistic about everything.! hope everything work out fine, yeah?
had terrible nights these days. i can just lay in bed for hours just pondering over stuff and can hardly slp n it is always in the dead of the night. no wonder i will be so tired in the day. =(( why?!?

'cuse me! this is my latest nickname in cls. and tts because ..according to them. i say 'cuse me in a superb high pitch voice that can vs zubat(the bat like pokemon) and does a lil wave of my hand. got that high pitch meh? i dont know. haha. i guess that will be my signature face from now on!lolx.=))

Went for law elective today. the second one in weeks. but i had to admit, today's session was kindof fun, looking at all the transcript and stuff. to delve deeper into forensic lingiustic.

guess my mood is starting to return back to normal. hope i remain upbeat. i better start my planning for my two up-coming event! heex, since now i had more time, as compared to the last, with only a week for preparation.!

arh. i m confused. how come do i feel so neutral towards my ec now?

i dont know what is my problem. >.< shouldn't i be feeling happy and carefree now? since i got what i wanted? i dont know, its just this nagging feeling bugging me to go back, to just forget all my tiredness, all my stress, everything and anything n just run back. i dont know. The feeling i had after everything is like i had just lost my great buddy. especially at the moment when i hand over my bang di. i just couldn't bear to part with it. I m so used to it by now, just after 7 months..its like one of my closest possession.(of cos, it had even kiss my lips so many times) n i know it isnt mine, but the feeling is really sad?.=( i almost tear, but i dont know why i can still force that smile out when returning. its only after i handed over, everything became so real. its game over.
Was in the library computer section, when i heard the melodious tune of the dizi. i dont know is it just me or what but it sounded exceptional nice today, yet the tune seemed to stir that emotion i tried so hard to conceal. so overwhelmed by my emotions, i just pretended to be sleeping while my grpmates edited the pw. Well. i dont want to be bawling out loud in the library, right?
Well i guess i have to move on. i have more projects coming up for me to handle. as usual, its two projects that had to be planned at the same time. guess i should more experienced now since i had completed two projects le. jiayou bah wini. =
i cant help but notice. is that sadness i see in your eyes as well? even if u try to smile and reassure me its ok, i cant help noticing that in your eyes...

i had just burst that little bubble of hope today. Its over. Its final. Im outta of there. Perhaps never ever gonna walk that path again, to enter that door, to immerse myself totally in the music there. Never again. i'm sorry how things turn out this way, but i guess i had no whatsoever choice. i do not want to wait till its too late to regret, or to stay for my own selfish reasons. hope u understand. really do so.i'm sorry. no matter what, carry on the legacy! =))will be there for to witness the miracle make nxt year.

ok. i m guilty. i m supposed to be chionging my written report, had to do chapt 5, content page n editing. =( bleah! hate this job. but then i m seriously so ARGH!! i need an outlet to let out all the emotions in me! its like so complicated, so confusing, its giving me a headache! so many things n seriously i really need to manage my time really well.=( i feel so tied down by my many commitments.

yesterday went back to school for grad nite stuff, before heading off to macs for pw. as usual, pw meetings are like................................ editing is going to be done by me again.. thanks arh guys. ahhahahah... then after that i went to bedok interchange pasar malam with ms loo wanyin. hahha.. We catch up on each other's life, joke around, bought this n that. Realize i really miss her lots.. n nadiah too.. =(( we bought stickers to paste on our handphone! hahah. =P childish but... hahah..

Today went back school for the SAGE mcfolks thingy. so my whole weekend is really given to the school and school work! no sleep in, no rest, my poor foot, injured again as usual. how can i possibly rest my foot, doctor! its not like i dont want to listen to your advise, but acc to statistic, singapore's walking pace is one of the fastest in the world, n of cause i have to walk around to get to places so how can i possibly just sit at one place all day just to rest my foot? even my clsrm n lecture hall are located at different parts of the school.=((

Monday is SUPPOSED to be my earliest day off school BUT my timetable is stretching now till about 6? err!! got legal framework with louis, gt duty(not tt i m complaining bout this, like it actually, pretty fun! heex), pw!!!argh!, blah blah blah! n oh. going to meet my osteopath again for my foot.=(( think i m going to scream again. my stupid cold still refused to go away!! mr tutor had to remind me to go n see the doc for my cold for so many days, but i just have no time. by the time i m free, its like midnight? haix.

ooh.. saw him on fri!! hahah.. =))


oh man.. i m going to say it tmr. to get it off once n for all. i m sick of procastinating, sick of staying for the sake of staying. i know i will let some ppl down, but i m seriously bum out n i really need the extra hours to maintain my sainty in this crazy and hectic jclife. if not i m just collaspe one day. i thought through it for so long, ask advices and stuff before coming to this conclusion. its definitely not sudden rashness i promise u. i'm sorry

I M FEELING SO BURNT OUT! mentally broke down today. feel so suffocated.
tired, crashed..
sleepy, stressed
oh man. i hate this!
even u are unable to put that smile back on my face
new past