:D

You are doing a great job making me a one happy girl during this horrible time.
Hang in there too alright? <3

Its exam period, but I'm not going to talk about my feelings about it, because it will only make me more miserable than I already am.

I don't why I will be that affected. Was it that demeaning tone that you make? Its not the 1st time I had people questioning my name, but do you have to be say till so blatantly? "What kind of name is that?" Hello, it is a proper name, and I don't blame you for not knowing it, but at the very least, please respect my name. Its not some ridiculous name like "Wiwikiwi" or something right? Even if so, its basic courteous to respect other's name. BECAUSE MY PARENTS PUT IN A LOT OF EFFORT IN NAMING ME. Hmpf! My name means "friends of peace" and my chinese name meant "champion of warmth". They are linked and I think its very meaningful, so if you do not know, I rather you stay ignorant rather than to question my name just because you haven't heard of it before.

I wonder do others have such trouble with their names.

And what you think is weird, I think its special. And I shall not stay angry for long, because I should be forgiving and understand that its the ignorance in you and perhaps that tad of insensitivity.

I miss home already... D:

On the phone with my sister and mummy over these 2 days. And I feel miserable. Exam period is such a depressing time, and the home is the most comforting place, but like my friends said, if you were to go home, its like going to JB from NTU, the only difference is theres no need to stamp your passport.

8 more days, and I will be back. 8 more days to my awesome bed. 8 more days to be back home with family and dearest Jack. 5 papers, just grit my teeth and do my best. I have done everything within my means, I hope it will pay off handsomely...





Sigh.

Studying with the girls had been nothing but fun. Amid all the mounting stress and what not, its nice to know that you are not alone and that when you have quires, theres always someone on standby to guide you. When you get too stressy, there will be those lunch break and dinner break to look forward to. And those small snacks that everyone took turns to bring/ buy and the nice cup of tea that one of them will offer to buy.

Today is our last session together before we retreat into our caves and return to battle on Friday. The next few days will be tough, let's run this last stretch together girls!(: Sushi waiting for us at the end.

OMG!

Got stalked by some random guy when I went down to buy dinner for family. I was dressed in a school tee and FBT, totally cui. Of all girls on the road, why pick me? D: Luckily I had my umbrella, so I gave him my deadliest stare and showed him my umbrella. It worked, and he scrammed.

Kind of sad what had become of my neighbourhood. Perverts, molesters and mini bengs. Seriously. I used to stay out late in my secondary school days due to night study, and never had I ever felt unsafe. D:

Jack pawed me. The way he asks for attention is simply adorable. 1st prodding you with his wet nosey, then keep lingering around you, then put his head on your thighs and paw you after. :D Who can resist such a cute boy? Miss him everything I'm in hall. Such a sweet lovable boy who will accompany me every where I go. <3 him!

It felt surreal. At the moment, nothing really went through my mind. I was smiling, and you were smiling. So that explains everything you talked before that. All those plans in the future.

It was funny and cute at the same time. And silly me, all this while worrying about how things seem too good to be true.

I felt safe and secured while having my hand in yours. (:

I need a new pair of flats, a new pair of sandals and I want a new pair of slippers.! D:

Retail therapy... Christmas sales will up soon, I want to be part of it and do my annual X'mas shopping. I want to go Orchard Road to see the Christmas Lighting even if the whole world thinks its ugly. I want to soak in the atmosphere and spirit of my favourite holiday.

All this will have to wait till 17th Dec. 10-17th Dec, the sacred week, give me wisdom yo!

Its been years...

Years since I last saw him. When I met him today, I wasn't sure that it was him, I thought it was just another random stranger on the train who was looking at me weirdly. I grew conscious of my outlook, but then, on 2nd thought, why should I care? So instead, I looked longer at him, and this time, I found him familiar.

It was him indeed. It was really awkward meeting him again. I looked away and pretended I didn't know him and continue listening to my iPod, and him the same. But throughout the whole ride, we both kept glancing at each other. At his stop, he paused at the exit, took one more glance, before alighting.

I thought of the times we were friends, I thought of the letters he wrote when I started to ignore all this calls and smses. The many attempts he tried mending the bridge again, but I refused, simply refused. That was because he betrayed my trust, and most importantly, he disappointed me beyond measure. I was just a young girl who just started Secondary school, and he was the Senior in yr 4. I trusted him and confided in him. And he took my trust and broke it.

It's easy to gain my trust, but once you lose it, you will never get it back.

In the past, I felt hurt, but with time, as I grew wiser, I only feel this odd sinking feeling. An old friend I lost, simply because of his jealousy and childishness. He thought things could work out, but I only wanted friendship, things turned ugly, and when he asked for forgiveness there after, I see no point anymore.

Thinking back, what went through his mind when he saw me...

Angsty!

I need an outlet to vent. I want to hit the dislike button for my life now. When life offers you a gift, it always comes with many attachments. Nothing is free, you lose something or pay with something to get the gift. When life gets too good to be true, its probably true because life will hits you back at your highest point and send you tumbling down the valley of misery, right down to the deepest pits.

I need insights, I need wisdom, I need rationality, I need everything, every bits of good luck, to tide me through one of the hardest year for me. At times I think I have become desensitize by all the stimulants that I become indifferent, but when I start to peel the many layers of protection I built up and look right into the core, to the most vulnerable part, I saw that I need salvation. Hiding within myself isn't going to help anything. Doing nothing to aid the situation is worst. Either way, the right thing now to do is to seek help or self-help. Burying myself in work and trying to busy myself to stay away from the root of problem doesn't make things go away.

Above it all, I need courage. Smile, you can do it.

Why must every single test results include the mean? Its like the tutors are taking considerable efforts to constantly remind us that we are to be compared, to be placed on a scale. And that if you ain't good enough, you will be thrown off the scale.

The mid term is the 1st glimpse of where we are standing, and judging by my cui-kabom, mediocre results, I'm the most likely person to be thrown off board.

Wini will not give up without a fight, renewed sense of drive... Keep this momentum going, every failure is just going to feed my desire to prove to the others that nothing can get me down. NOTHING.

Love is never measured by the times he made u laugh, but by the number of times he made u smile after u cried.


I don't know anything, I'm slow, I don't understand how it works, I'm a retard most of the time, but through all these times, you stayed behind to guide me and to teach me. With your kind patience, I begin to appreciate and see and learn things I never knew existed. When I'm down, when I'm stress, when I'm sad, when i'm just plain weird, somehow you can make things better. Was it that smile? Or that sincere concern? Or was it I'm getting used to having you by my side to tell me things will get better? You told me to stay positive, to smile more and be happier. 


I tried counting the number of times you made me smile after I'm feeling down, and I lost count... :)

Sudden realization.

There isn't much time. So now you are moved to one of the top on priority list. (:

Can't wait for that day too. A little break from the endless routine and before the mounting pressure crash us to death.

A date with Harry! :D don't disappoint please.

Tired.

But at least I'm still happy.

Thousand and one things to do, with only 24 hours a day and deadline looming, I'm trying my very best to stretch time, stall time, freeze time, stop time. I'm not looking forward to the end of sem.

Mum seems totally psych for my up-coming holidays. She took leave from her work, and she's planning a little get-away for the 2 of us. I shall promise to give my mama more time and love. She totally deserve a break. ((: To my superwoman: Love you always, and appreciate everything you have done. You are the best mum, my best adviser, most understanding friend who will laugh at your daughter's clumsiness, shyness and stupidity acts. :D Can't ask for any better, because I have the best.

((: 

Demoralized.

Harsh reality. That's the real world.

It's not that you are not good, u are just not good enough when being COMPARED.

I'm but just a human.

Stop pushing your limits. I'm trying to be as accommodating as possible and tolerating all the attitude you gave me even though I have my own problems to deal too. I had enough, it was the last straw. Whatever happened to everything that we once discussed? Those supposed privacy boundaries? It seems like I'm the only who bothered to make sure you don't feel uncomfortable, but you, did you even bother? Did you even consider my feelings?

And you, did you bother asking me, when I thought of discussing with you 1st only to see that you had everything planned and conveniently just think I can make it? Its just plain rude.

Sick and tired of everyone treating me this way. Like I'm a pushover. I can be nice, if you are too. Thats just rude and I will not take it lying down. Get the hell out of my sight now.

It was miserable.

I was crying, and blabbering my feelings, but no coherent words came out because they were mangled with my tears and mucus.

But it was just a dream. Why does it feels so real? Dreams are safe haven in which we retreat at night, away from the harsh reality and into another world. No judgement, no one to hurt you, for once, you are safe. Or so, I thought.

After last night, I fear sleeping and being lure into the false sense of security, because no place is safe anymore. Even though I'm mentally exhausted, I rather continue staring at my notes.
new past